BUSH’S SECRET PLAN FOR IRAQ LEAKED…AN ARMY OF ZOMBIES!
The US army claims it mistakenly sent out letters to seventy five dead soldiers asking them to reenlist. Here at Doug’s Darkworld, we know better. Clearly this is a psyops plan to prepare the American public for Bush’s real plan to win the war in Iraq…an army of zombies! Am I being serious? Of course not. But hey, as Bush’s troop surge turns into a troop trickle, anything coming from the White House at this point wouldn’t surprise me. I can see it now, Bush calls the press conference to announce his plan, when the cameras start rolling a glassy eyed President launches into a rambling discourse about how Captain America and God are going to come to the rescue any day now. Just before the camera mercifully cuts off, secret service agents can be seen tackling a shotgun armed and distraught Dick Cheney who is screaming “You fools, I’ve go to put him out of his misery…”
Moving right along, Maliki, the US sock puppet Prime Minister in Iraq threatened to “review ties” with any country that criticized the execution of Saddam. He also threatened to take action against “all armed groups” in Baghdad. I think I can be pretty sure that no one is quaking in their boots about Maliki’s threats. Ties with a “government” that is going to be hanging from lampposts about 15 minutes after the US Army leaves aren’t likely to be terribly important to other governments. And the armed groups in Baghdad aren’t afraid of the once vaunted American army, so their response to this threat is going to be something along the lines of “bring it on.” Seven months on the job and Maliki already “wants to resign.” I can’t blame the man.
In Somalia, there have been protests against the presence of Ethiopian troops. Well, duh. The day when governments could be imposed from without are over, if they ever really existed in the first place. Here is an interesting column that discusses the Somalia situation in a little more detail. Another fine mess, thank you Mr. Bush.
In further world news, the mystery of the missing airliner deepens. An airliner vanished off the radar screens in Indonesia nearly a week ago, and so far no trace of it has been found. The world is a big place, nonetheless this is unusual. Several airliners disappeared in the forties and fifties, I’m not aware of a more recent case. Some of those have been found, including the mysterious STENDEC stardust crash in 1947. Others remain missing, like the celebrated cases of the Star Tiger and the Star Arial which vanished in the fifties in the Bermuda triangle. The world’s a big place, an airliner that vanished in 1947 was found in 1994, ten miles from Vancouver, Canada. That’s a metropolitan area of two million people!
Speaking of the Bermuda triangle, here we go. I thought the Bermuda Triangle was a fabulous mystery when I was 13. Since then I have unfortunately grown up and even worse, been exposed to the facts about the supposed mystery of the Bermuda Triangle. The truth is that millions of people travel through the triangle every day without incident. And while ships and planes have disappeared in the region, none of the disappearances is particularly hard to explain. The people who want to make a mystery of it all have systematically, um, lied about the details of various cases to make them more mysterious.
However, just to be complete, let’s discuss the most mysterious of the disappearances, the mystery of flight 19. In December of 1945 a training flight of five Avenger torpedo bombers took off from an airbase from southern Florida…and were never seen again. How could five modern aircraft simply vanish in good weather in broad daylight? Pretty easy actually, for one thing while they took off in daylight and good weather, when they ran out of fuel it was night and near hurricane weather. The short version is this, the captain of the flight was a very stubborn man. He got lost, and insisted that his students follow him, they flew out to sea instead of towards land, ran out of fuel, crash landed on the water (or simply ran out of fuel and crashed,) and sank. End of the story, at least their sad part in it.
Why weren’t they found? The Avenger was the world’s first all metal aircraft, there wouldn’t be any floating debris. As for the crews getting out of their planes and into their life rafts, Navy tests showed that the Avenger would sink in less than ten seconds under optimal conditions. Say by some miracle a pilot managed to land his plane at night on the water in a hurricane. He now has ten seconds (at most) to unbuckle himself, open the canopy, climb out on the wing, work himself ten feet back on the wing, and open the compartment where his emergency equipment is stored. Arnold himself would have trouble pulling that off, mere mortals didn’t stand a chance. They are all long dead, though at least they are remembered. Heck, they even appear in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Investigating the Bermuda Triangle is like peeling an onion, keep peeling long enough and there’s nothing at the centre. Kind of like a certain President’s strategy in Iraq.
(The above image is claimed as Fair Use under US copyright law. It is not be used for profit and it is central to the subject of the post.)