Proof God doesn’t exist: Bush says he wants to protect our troops in Iraq without being struck down by lightning
According to my publicist, today’s blog is to be about Iraq. And fortunately George Bush stepped up to the plate and made another jaw dropping announcement regarding same. Yes, according to Bush, he’s not trying to pick a fight with Iran by blaming them for attacks on American troops, no siree. He’s trying to protect our troops in Iraq! Well, glad that’s cleared up. Now silly me, I would have thought that protecting our troops meant something like providing them with adequate body armour and armoured vehicles, or providing them with enough reinforcements where they could conceivably win the losing war they are fighting. Or even, heaven forfend, removing them from Iraq entirely so that they would no longer come under daily attack. No, apparently protecting our troops means threatening Iran. Because as we all know by now, insurgents in Iraq are too stupid to make their own bombs out of the thousands (millions?) of tons of munitions Saddam squirrelled away around the country, not to mention the huge black market in weapons that thrives in the region. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder if anyone has correlated Valium sales with blue states.
The good news about Iraq just keeps coming. The US has agreed to take in seven thousand Iraqi refugees! Yes, out of nearly four million refuges Bush’s war has created, the USA will allow .0018 percent of them to move to the USA. That’s up from the .00012 percent we have allowed in so far! That’s correct, since the USA invaded Iraq, our brave and free country has allowed a grand total of 463 Iraqi refugees to settle in the USA. Are there no bounds to Bush’s compassionate conservatism? And it gets better. Bush has also announced that the USA will pay $18M to help settle the remaining four million refugees, amounting to a generous donation of nearly five dollars for every man, woman, and child that has had to flee their homeland after we “liberated” it from Saddam. I’m sure the refugees can put that kind of largess to good use, how about T-shirts that say: “Bush liberated my country and all I have to show for it is this lousy T-shirt.”
Where is all this money coming from? Well, for one thing soldiers who couldn’t complete their whole enlistments because of minor things like having limbs blown off, are being forced to refund part of their enlistment bonuses! Is that sound fiscal policy or what? I mean, what kind of soldier would keep money he didn’t earn because he was careless enough to lose a limb or part of his brain? Dear God, what sort of bureaucrat from hell came up with this one?
Leaving the maelstrom of Iraq behind, there’s some good signs in other parts of the world. The European Parliament condemned the US practice of “extraordinary rendition,” that is to say, the kidnapping of people, holding them in secret prisons, and transporting them around the world in defiance of law and human rights. They are even considering condemning the US prison in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. All I can say is, good going guys. As I have been saying for years, one cannot simultaneously claim to be the defenders of freedom while acting in defiance of international law and basic human rights. If the USA is really the good guys, we need to act like the good guys. Otherwise we’re just outlaws in white hats.
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