Countdown to Doomsday: Day 365
In my last depressing post I promised something light like a post about puppies on Mars. Well, upon further investigation, there are no puppies on Mars. And if there were, they would quickly freeze and asphyxiate, it would not be a pretty picture. Back on Earth, not a pretty picture either. Frankly, I think the world and American in particular are really screwed right now, and that a number of very bad things are about to happen or are already unfolding before our eyes. So after some consideration, I’ve decided to go with the depressing flow so to speak. For the next year I am going to chronicle the downfall of the American Empire and not pull any punches. And if somehow the world is still muddling through a year from now, then I’ll start posting about puppies.
Why now some may ask? Well, it’s not for personal reasons, my life is actually pretty good right now. No, this is inspired by the fact that I tend to be an apocalyptic “the end is near” type by nature, and I don’t think there’s ever been or ever will be a better time in my life to express this side of my personality. As someone once said, “extremists are only valuable to have around when they are right.” Well, I’m a “the end is near” extremist…and my time is now. In fact it’s my solemn duty to both inform my contemporaries about the current crisis, and to chronicle events for future generations. Yes, I am providing this dark view of life as a public service. I’m a philanthropist, who would have guessed?
And of course I will have as much fun with this as I can. One has to either laugh or cry at the world, and laughing is a lot healthier. If a year from now the sky hasn’t fallen, why I can have a lot of fun laughing at myself. And if the sky does fall, I’ll be a prophet in my time. I can’t lose! Oh, wait, I guess if American civilization collapses we all lose. Details. Well, at least I will have the consolation of being right.
So what, exactly, are the issues I think are about to do America in? Pretty much the stuff I rant about all the time. An economy and a dollar based on a sea of bad debt. A political system so corrupt and inbred it’s starting to make the Roman Emperors look like paragons of virtue and good government (mostly they they were the opposite.) A president who thinks our economic problems are no more than a hangover. A culture of militarism and a War-on-Terror that seemingly knows no limits, blissfully ignorant of Frederick II‘s admonition that “He who defends everything defends nothing.” A public jaded, spoiled, and sheepified by decades of advertising and propaganda telling them “Everything is fine, all your needs and problems can quickly be satisfied with little effort and no sacrifice on your part.” A decaying national infrastructure, declining resources, and an educational system geared to producing bubble-filling-clones instead of rounded citizens. Then there’s peak oil, Russia resurgent, climate change, China, and Iran. Yes, let the good times roll.
This will also be an excuse for me to give tons of practical advice about survivalism, life after doomsday, and such. My readers can look forward to such posts as “How to build a four story bomb shelter under your garage with only a garden spade,” “Feeding a family of 12 on a 4 foot square garden plot,” and the age old question “Mutant flying orange striped cats, curse or salvation?” Yes, everything the gentle reader ever wanted to know about the post-apocalyptic world will be fair game. And as always I will make comparisons and observations regarding apocalyptic events in history and how they relate to the present. (Though all too often that’s a variation of “Yes, this happened before, humanity learned nothing.”)
This is also inspired by the people who say the world is going to end on 21 December 2012. I’m really tired of hearing that. They are all wrong, the world is going to end on 22 July 2009. Why? Because I said so, and my prediction is just as valid as some old Mayan calender. I mean, who are people going to trust for their end-of-the-world predictions? A college dropout ex-Marine living in Berkeley with three insane cats, or some dusty old bones? Which also reminds me, I’ll take the time to review all my favorite post–apocalypse books and movies, lots of fun to be had there.
Stay safe, stay tuned, depressing suggestions welcome. Tomorrow, what would happen if the Sun disappeared?
(The above painting of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse was made in 1887 and is thus public domain under US copyright law. Credit: Viktor Vasnetsov. The full size image can be seen here. My timing for this post is not entirely random, I figure if we make it through the presidential election, the inauguration of the next president, and the first six months of his term…somebody up there must like us after all.)