How Can I Destroy the Sun?

I recently came across a curious question on Yahoo Answers:

“I’ve grown tired of the sun and want to get rid of it.
How should I go about doing this?
I have Internet access and am saving up to buy whatever technology is necessary.”

Here at Doug’s Darkworld we strive to solve problems and clarify issues, and this is most definitely a big problem. And I delight in a challenge, not to mention providing public service, so for those who want to really go out with a bang, here’s how to destroy the Sun:

1. Antimatter: If a large enough chunk of antimatter was fired at the Sun fast enough, it would do the trick. The current price of anti-matter is 62.5 trillion dollars per gram, though that would likely come down a bit as thousands (or millions of tons) of it would be required. Inconveniently enough, humans do not possess the technology to store that much antimatter safely, let alone transfer it to the Sun. So a lot of R&D is going to0 be required as well. Add a few trillion dollars to the budget for this aspect of the project.

2. Collision: If a collision between the Sun and another large  astronomical object could be arranged, say one at least a quarter of the size of the Sun, that would probably do the trick. The faster the object is moving, the better. Even a good sized asteroid at relativistic speed would suffice. Unfortunately, unlike the antimatter above, there is no off-the-shelf supply of large astronomical objects to be purchased, so this will have to be done from the ground up. Buy a space centre, any will do, and start unloading truckloads of money. It will take decades and trillions of dollars, but would likely be cheaper than option number one, since most of the required technology is off-the-shelf.

3. Time Travel: If the Sun can be aged 20 billion years or more, it will have burned out. Unfortunately there is no known or theoretical way to do this. There’s a back door way though, time dilation: A spaceship travelling at relativistic speeds will allow the requisite billions of years to pass, when the spaceship returns to the Solar system, the Sun will have burnt out! This is the cheapest and most feasible option, but it may not be exactly what is required, since the Sun won’t actually be destroyed, it will simply have burnt out and be a cold dark ball. It would no longer generate all that annoying light and heat, but if it’s the mere presence of the Sun that is despised, then  no. 1 or no. 2 is the way to go.

After selecting of one of the above options, the other crucial step will be the procurement of evil minions and henchmen. In the early stages, low grade minions will do the trick, even if just to deal with the neighbours when they realize what is being  built in the basement. Minions of this calibre are relatively inexpensive, but will require travelling to some unhealthy places. Biker bars and housing projects will do the trick. If more exotic budget minions are required and there is a generous travel budget,  hired guns of almost all stripes can be had in Iraq or Afghanistan. How to actually travel to these places safely and procure said minions is beyond the scope of this answer, but someone resourceful enough to destroy the Sun should be able to muddle through this step.

Eventually as the project nears completion,  there are any number of organizations, even governments, that might try to impede a plan to destroy the Sun. Low grade minions simply will not do in this case, dealing with government interference is going to require absolutely top-notch evil minions. These do not come cheap, in fact they may very well the most expensive part of this project. It would be a shame to have such an ambitious undertaking fail at the last moment do to some meddling government agency, so no expense can be spared. On the plus side, a generous supply of world-class evil minions can be found at a very safe and convenient location: Wall Street.

(The above image is claimed as Fair Use under US copyright law. It’s not being used for profit, is central to illustrating the post, and, well, that’s it. I don’t even know who to credit it to, since I got it on a  blog that obviously simply swiped it from somewhere else. So I guess technically I’m not really using this image within the scope of US copyright law. I recently read that more than 157 million images are posted on blogs every 12 minutes in complete defiance of copyright,  so I think my chances of getting away with it are pretty good. And of course if the originator of the “how do I destroy the Sun” question even partially succeeds with their ambitious project,  copyright law will become irrelevant very quickly.)