Doug's Darkworld

War, Science, and Philosophy in a Fractured World.

“That look really hurts when you see it in your wife’s eyes.”

with 3 comments

I had an impromptu conversation last night with a vet who served in Iraq, I thought it was worth sharing:

[Spence] : not to wallow but 6 years military with a deployment goes a long way to explain divorce. was is rough on marriages.
[Spence] : war is rough on marriages

[Doug]: Understood, it’s rough on all the participants from what I can tell.

[Spence] : “sarcasm” the best part is the kind of husband i was when i came home. if you know some of the stats war has a way of changing people forever

[Doug]: I blog about it all the time, few participants come home unscathed. One of the many reasons war should be the last option, not the first

[Spence] : forever hence the escape into gaming, im not really a people person anymore.
[Spence] : i could’t agree more
[Spence] : trying to explain what happens in war is impossible if you have never experienced it.
[Spence] : it really is an exclusive club
[Spence] : just not a club someone wants to be a part of

[Doug]: No one really sane at least. I was lucky, never got stationed outside the USA.

[Spence]: And a good thing too
[Spence] : then you have a small taste from the training. you have the idea that its not like in the movies.

[Doug]: Yeah, again, I rant about that all the time on my blog.

[Spence] : nothing against civilians, they just dont understand. they dont know. im glad they dont

[Doug]: You ever want to publish some of your thoughts there, always happy to get first person contributions. Doug’s Darkworld

[Spence] : i have told some people my thoughts about it and they get this funny look in their eyes. this laid back cool guy has “KILLED”.
[Spence] : that look really hurts when you see it in your wife’s eyes

[Doug]: Yeah, that sounds rough.

[Spence] : the younger folk, teens think its “cool” the guys my age dont understand and the older men
[Spence] : from vietnam understand perfectly
[Spence] : we all have little emotional holes that we hide from the world and we try to fill them, unsuccesfully
[Spence] : some turn to drugs, booze, violence,*me, i shut myself down and act around people the way i think they want.
[Spence] : we all have our little twitches.

[Doug]: War is an incredibly unatural and unhealthy experience, it’s a wonder people cope as well as they do with it.

[Spence] : we dont, we get by. try this if i ever met you in real life the first thought would be if you are a threat
[Spence] : the 2nd is what can i use as a weapon??
[Spence] : the last is usually “where is the rest of the team”
[Spence] : like you said it is unatural and probably permanent

Published with his permission. He said that this does not necessarily reflect the opinions of all veterans, just him and ones he has talked to. I will be publishing more first person accounts as I get them. Thanks for sharing Spence.

Written by unitedcats

October 19, 2009 at 7:16 am

Posted in Iraq, War

3 Responses

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  1. Great post..sobering view of war does to good people…..(makes me kinda angry and sad at the same time, can’t find the words)

    Peace

    Pyrodin123321

    October 19, 2009 at 2:24 pm

  2. So much for our promised ‘change’ as Obama is intent on expanding troops in our new ‘Vietnamistan’..

    And Pakistan is shaping up to be our new ‘Cambodia’.. $50 dollar mud huts being destroyed by million dollar missiles ..

    And the ridiculous notion that we can “win their hearts and minds” of the foreigners LOL .. as we BREAK the hearts and minds of our troops.

    disgusting debacle !

    ET

    October 20, 2009 at 7:55 am

  3. [Spence] : we all have little emotional holes that we hide from the world and we try to fill them, unsuccesfully
    [Spence] : some turn to drugs, booze, violence,*me, i shut myself down and act around people the way i think they want.

    Just a little note from my perspective.

    You see this same result in victims of long term child abuse. Still you are talking a defenseless child who hasn’t had time to mature emotionally.

    How much worse does war have to be to cause this same effect when you are talking about combat trained adults facing experiences as a team? It’s unimaginable. 20 years of looking at the various forms of traumatic experiences and the victims yet I still can not begin to fathom the horrors of war.

    Steve

    October 27, 2009 at 2:07 pm


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