Doug's Darkworld

War, Science, and Philosophy in a Fractured World.

A SHORT STORY ABOUT GOD

with 4 comments

God is in his corner office, sitting at his desk, creating new stars, galaxies, and forms of life … as he has done dutifully six days a week for billions of years. St Peter walks in.

St. Peter: “My Lord, I have a message from the Pope, supreme leader of one of your fan clubs on Earth.”
God: “The guys who think I sent my son on a suicide mission to show them I loved them, what is it this time?”
St. Peter: “They want to know your official position on the wearing of little rubber hats on their male reproductive organs while they have sex.”
God: “Peter, I’m really busy today, I don’t have time for jokes.”
St. Peter: “No, he is really serious. Apparently this is a matter of considerable importance to him.”
God: “He … really … thinks I care about how he decorates his dick during sex? What’s next, he’s going to want my opinion of what reproductive organ should be placed in what bodily orifice while they screw?”
St. Peter: “Well, now that you mention it, yes, he also has some questions along those lines.”
God: “I was joking!”
St. Peter: “I wasn’t my Lord, apparently him and many people on Earth are quite concerned about this issue, mating genders, orifices, they have even killed each other over it.”
God: “They’ve killed each other over disagreements about who and how people should have sex with?”
St. Peter: “Yes my Lord.”
God: “The fact that their entire planet is filled with animals and plants, including their near relatives, that are happily engaged in a vast array of consensual mating activities hasn’t suggested to them that sex is a good thing, and I couldn’t care less about them doing it however they please?”
St. Peter: “They seem to think they are a special case my Lord, and that you would have specific requirements for them in the realm of sexual activity.”
God: “Jesus Christ!”
Jesus (from next room): “Yo, dad?”
God: “Nothing, go back to your PS3.” (Sound of muffled explosions and gunfire resumes from the next room.)
God: “So this really isn’t some elaborate joke you and Satan cooked up on your rafting trip last week?”
St. Peter: “I wish it was my Lord.”
God (facepalms): “So do I Peter, so do I.”

(The above image is hundreds of years old and thus is no longer copyrighted. Well, at least until SOPA II is passed. If people like this, I may write more. There’s a lot of things that could go on in God’s office. Copyright © 2012 Doug Stych, All Rights Reserved.)

Written by unitedcats

January 18, 2012 at 7:46 am

4 Responses

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  1. Haha :-)
    I’d love to hear what’s further going on in God’s orifice.
    I mean… office.

    Steffen M. Boelaars

    January 18, 2012 at 7:53 am

  2. Okay. I must say. This is astounding. It is most win.

    Tom Dickson-Hunt

    January 18, 2012 at 9:39 am

  3. lol, i wonder if jesus was playing battlefield or modern warfare?

    Ryan

    January 18, 2012 at 1:52 pm

  4. Bahahaha! Funny!

    Pyrodin

    January 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm


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